Cosmopolitan's Sex Life

Cosmo is a magazine determined to teach us all how to have sex, while simultaneously keeping us all insecure enough to come back time and again for more Top Tips! In my attempts to 'know the enemy' and simultaneously amuse myself at the vacuity of this magazine, I visited their website and took a quiz. Now, no matter how many times I've seen covers emblazoned with lines like "The 25 hottest sex positions that every man wants" and "WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU DOING THIS, ARE YOU FRIGID?", it seems there are only three positions in the world now.

Save yourself the cover price, folks. Behold: